If you're single and you're reading the articles on this site in the hope they'll help you find your true love, let me offer some inspiration.

I spent many, many years dating the wrong guys. I thought ~ like many women ~ that there just weren't any good guys out there. Of course, I knew that wasn't true because my friends were married to great guys. So why couldn't I find one?

After years of disappointing relationships (or rather non-relationships), someone gave me some advice that changed my life. She said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome. A light bulb went off. If I kept dating the same kind of guy, I was going to keep having the same kind of relationship. They guys weren't the problem; I was.

At the time I was in my late 30s. I had a rich and full life, but I wanted a healthy relationship. I wanted to be loved and to love somebody. So I set out to change what I was doing.

Step 1: I started writing down my dating stories. The good, the bad, the funny, and the ugly. I turned those stories into a novel, "Confessions of a Frog Kisser" (read more about the book here).

Step 2: I pulled out Excel and created a table. In column A was a list of every guy I'd ever dated. Then I had columns for things like drinking, smoking, family relationships, ex-girlfriends, how often they called, etc. I was brutally honest and filled those columns out for all fo them.

Step 3: I looked at the data to see my own patterns. What I learned is that I was attracted to extremely fun, outgoing alcoholics with huge commitment phobias. They were nice guys, they just weren't capable of giving me anything.

Step 4: I paid very close attention to signs of those character traits in the guys I was meeting, and I ran away from anyone who fit my old pattern.

Step 5: This was the hardest step of all. When an interesting guy came along who did not fit my old pattern, I dated him. This may sound easy, but it was hard. I'd never dated someone who wanted to give me the commitment I craved. It was very scary. For the first few months we dated, I seriously had to force myself to say yes. Mind you, I was very attracted to him, thought he was funny and smart ~ he was the total package. But I was scared and I knew it. I refused to sabotage myself.

Step 6: I let this great guy love me and I loved him in return. Five months after we started dating, we got engaged. We were married almost exactly one year from when we met. And it's wonderful. Because I went through that process of figuring out my role in my bad relationships, I was able to find someone who accepts me exactly as I am, and who I accept unconditionally. We respect each other, genuinely like each other, and have fun together. Marriage is better than I ever thought it would be.

One other note: all along this journey, it was never my goal just to be married. My goal was a healthy relationship. I think that is very important. I had a wonderful life before I met my husband. I had tons of friends, many interests, and a great social life. I was complete. I believe that is one of the keys to finding true love ~ first loving yourself and knowing what you have to offer. Being in a relationship just because you think you should be is a sure fire way to end up with the wrong person. I know!